My Story

My wife, Elaine was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in November 2018, one week later we were told it was stage 4 with extensive bone metastasis. She’d had no signs, other than a sore back (which she’d jerked on a ride whilst on a school trip), no lumps, no change in shape, no discharge, nor any other pain. That was until she found a lump in under her arm, that’s when we went to get it checked out immediately and were hit with the devastating news. Given an estimated timeframe, it felt like our world was falling apart, especially as thoughts turned to our two young boys, aged 6 and 4 at the time, possibly growing up without their mum.

A few years years passed and many many treatments later, Elaine was still fighting on, determined to do as much as she could in life to see as much of the boys growing up as she possibly could. I say see, 17 months into her diagnosis (more time than she was initially given), she developed a further complication. At first they couldn’t find out what was making her nauseous and giving her such sore heads, but eventually they found her to have hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain), and by that time it had damaged her optic nerve and from then on, she was now pretty much blind. She was a fighter though and having underwent a life saving brain operation to relieve the bursting pressure in her skull and extensive high palliative full brain radiotherapy, she continued to defy all odds and lived a really good quality of life all things considered.

Setting targets all along the way, she celebrated hers and my own 40th birthdays, saw our youngest start Primary school (a significant milestone, Elaine being a Headteacher), watched and helped our eldest continue to thrive and make us proud, surpassed our 10th wedding anniversary and managed quite a few family holidays too, all in between numerous hospital and hospice stays (both short and long). She continued to astound both her oncologist and neurosurgeon and had no plans on stopping there, with plenty milestones to reach! Whilst heartbreaking, it was actually astounding in equal measures watching on at her shear determination and focus on surviving this horrible disease as long as she could! Unfortunately however, after a mammoth fight (always with a smile), Elaine sadly passed away quite suddenly on 23rd May 2022, after quite a rapid decline over the weekend. She’d fought a determined hard fight for over 3.5 years, but sadly, it was one fight too many. She passed away quite comfortably with her family by her side.

I didn’t realise before Elaine became ill just how many great organisations and charities there are out there helping sufferers and their families and certainly didn’t realise just how much these organisations rely upon fundraising and charitable donations.

Over the past few years we’ve had various support from various organisations and Robbie, Archie and I and friends and family also, have raised a wee bit of money here and there to try and do our little bit to give some help back. Last year I decided to support Maggie’s and run the London Marathon (before Elaine passed away- she was actually coming to cheer me on), however Elaine’s passing, an ankle injury and then a back injury put pay to that. Maggie’s asked if I wanted to withdraw under all the circumstances, but if anything I wanted to do it more, so they let me defer my entry and I’m now running the 2023 London Marathon on Sunday 23rd April.

Maggie’s offer great support free to anyone with cancer and their families who walk through their door. They help people when cancer turns life upside down, with professional support for anything from treatment side effects to money worries. All their support is free and you don't need an appointment or referral.

Elaine went to a few groups at Maggie’s where she was able to chat about her own and others conditions, sadly covid struck and she didn’t have a chance to return. We have also had help in the way of form filling and applying for certain benefits, much of which is very time consuming and quite difficult to fill in. They were also hugely supportive and informative when it came to hiring a carer, their advice was second to none…, and for all those reasons of great help for us and many other individuals and families, I’d like to give a little back if I can.

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